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Break-up of a Family 


Posting vital statistics of children is deemed contempt of court, because it is a breach of  ". . .his parental obligation by exposing the minor children to danger in posting their pictures and personal data, on the Internet."

On Sun, 31 May 1998 in alt.dads-rights.unmoderated
ScrewedGlued&Tattooed@myplace.net (Screwed) wrote:
 

    St. Mary's Catholic Church

    Dear Father,

    In March of 1991 I was married in your church by Father Joe.  I remember the words clearly at the time of the ceremony "Till death do us part, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer".  I also remember hearing that my marriage could never be dissolved, being a promise to God as our witness.  I had full intention of keeping my word to the best of my ability and control, never to this day ever planned on filing for divorce.  Well, now the bad news, due to circumstances beyond my control my marriage is just about final as far as the state is concerned.  My future X, Danielle, a member of your parish today walked out with my only child at the time (Heather born on November 5, 1994) on Memorial Day of 1996 and filed for divorce in June of 1996 with the full intention of breaking that promise we made to God.  She later announced that she was pregnant 2 weeks into the divorce.  I filed for a paternity test which the Judge approved and later charged me with harassment since the test showed I was the father.  I did not know for sure if I was the father since my spouse would stay out late at her male friends houses alone without me several times a month.  I just wanted to be sure I was the true father since she rarely ever slept with me due to her lack of interest she had of me that began on our wedding night.  She had mored interest to be out and about than to be home alone with me.  At this point I knew I was just a paycheck to her.

[Let's hope that the man had a DNA test done, because a paternity test based on blood type provides only an estimate of the probability of paternity that is considerably lower, with a fairly low level of confidence, compared to one that is based on a DNA test.  A DNA test provides a result that is virtually certain. --WHS]
 

    Our new son Nathan Michael George C. was later born on January 14, 1997 with such pain and frustration to me because after repeated requests to be present at the time of birth I was not told about his birth until days later.  This was done intentionally to hurt me and it did.  I then found out that my new son was named after her boyfriend who helped her move belongings out of the house.  I know this because Heather, my daughter calls Michael "My Michael".  I was not allowed to have any say in the matter of naming my son.  My only reason for living to her was and is to support her and nothing else; I am not valued as a parent.  It has been two long and painful years since that initial date of filing and the pain never seems to end.  I find myself being pulled into an evil and fueled fire set by my future X and her vindictive attorney who I caught red-handed tampering with the evidence.  He stole Court documents out of the Judge's bin, which my attorney had filed, trying to put me in contempt of court.  Luckily I had my attorney write the order again and I was saved that time.

    I eventually lost my contested case due to Danielle entering on record a book of lies which were all hearsay and not supported by evidence.  I denied what she had said about me and told the truth and filled in the points of her story she didn't remember.  Danielle did not deny most of my allegations in court under oath, she cried when she heard them. When the trial was finally over, the Judge did not believe anything I said without evidence but called Danielle a creditable witness based on hearsay.  The Judge at this point awarded Danielle almost everything she asked for and then things she didn't ask for that went in her favor.  I was only asking for fairness the whole time and had stated for a 50/50 split since I am never greedy.  I was in shock at this time and was not sure if I wanted to hear the decision of my children since that what was the most important part of the decision to me and I feared for the worse.  I was right.  I lost joint custody and she won sole custody meaning I do not perform any of the parent decision making with my children.  Contact with my children in now termed "visitation".  Children do not need visitors, they need fathers!

    The amount of contact I was now allowed seemed greatly reduced from what little I thought I had.  I had Heather staying overnight from Friday after work until Sunday at 11 AM every weekend.  The Family Court System reduced this by decision of Judge Bedrosian until Sunday at 9 AM and further reduced contact by allowing me to see my children only every other weekend.  The bright spot was I was able to start contact with my son Nathan.  Danielle had used the name of the Church to reduce my contact time by stating she wanted to take Heather to Church thus taking away any time I was able to go to Church with her. I sensed a jealousy and another way she could try to hurt me with use of the children.  It worked since the distance I had to travel left no time with the earlier drop off time for me to take my children to Church anymore.  If there was something I enjoyed with my children, Danielle was determined to take it away.

    At this point the stress was too much.  I broke down.  I had been out of work since the initial Judge's decision due to the high level of stress and anxiety; it was greatly affecting my health.  Blood pressure readings soared dangerously high and my level of concentration greatly diminished.  I also had many dizzy spells and side effects with the medications given to me which sometimes limited my driving ability.  I had to be regularly treated by my doctor and spent a lot of time and money to recover from the stress created.

    Just as I was starting to pick myself up a bit and start going back to work part time Danielle and her attorney saw it fit to kick me while I am down.  My mother mentioned to Danielle that I was on the verge of loosing my job and I highly feared going to jail for defaulting due to stress.  Danielle told my mother "I would never put Mark in jail". Immediately following, I was in Court again and told my child support would go up while the amount of take home pay I collected on TDI decreased my net salary by about $100.00 a week.  The added incentive was added that I find a way to pay the extra support in an hour or win 30 day trip to jail.  The Judge's basis on this was my paycheck was not taxable so he over-inflated it past the point and ability to pay it.  With the weeks that had accumulated, my debt to her grew into 4 digits quickly.  At this point I knew I was going to default at that time and could not understand the Court's gender-biased decision.  I say biased because of the time Danielle was out of work due to pregnancy, she had a different set of rules.  Her income was paid by TDI and was non-taxable yet a factor to over-inflate it was not used. Anyone can clearly see the anti-male bias in my court experience even though the Family Court System ignores it.

    I did not have too many choices with my back against the wall and an empty bank account, jail was not an option to me so I ran off to cool down and try to think my situation over.  The level of stress was too much to deal with anymore.  I had often from time to time thought I might be better off dead because I see no end in sight.  The Court dates and fighting for the sake of fighting seem to be big weapons of mass destruction Danielle would use at any expense.  I felt like someone pushed me off a bridge from behind.  Every day was and is a free fall compounded with knives stuck in my back.  At this point I knew I would not have my old job back and endless jail sentences seemed to be the order due to my inability to afford to get back on my feet again.  I now know it is impossible to have any sort of normal life again without bars being used as threats.  Jail time will only add to the problem and will not solve anything.  Punishing me for what I don't have is a crime for I had no way to avoid this, the Family Court System made this possible.

    Throughout the whole divorce, the part of it that really bothers me most is the way my children have been and are continually being used as pawns of leverage along with all the cruel and unfair games of keeping me from still being a father.  Some of these dirty games include but are not limited to the following:

    1.  Denying or limiting child contact with me just for the sake of possessions (i.e. You give me this that and the other thing and maybe we will start letting you see your kids more or even at all)

    2.  Not allowing a 50/50 joint and physical custody because of the need of power, control and money.

    3.  Not allowing me to establish relationship/bond with my son until after trial.

    4.  Bad mouthing me to my daughter (for no reason I found my daughter saying "bad daddy repeatedly").  To this day anyone who has seen my parenting skills will agree and rate them highly.

    5.  Insinuating that I was not capable of adequately caring for my son Nathan, during his first year while not having problems raising Heather.

    6.  From the beginning Danielle sought to have children for the sake of having children.  She thinks of Heather and Nathan as her possessions, not as both of our children.

    7.  Countless frivolous charges against me involving my children, i.e. I had a small web page with a picture of Heather and of Nathan. Within the page was the only paragraph which stated the following:

    "This page is created for my children Heather and Nathan. Some of their favorite hangouts include "The Breakfast Nook", "Discovery Zone", beaches, zoos, playgrounds, movies, parks or just hanging out at Dad's place."

    The charge filed against me is as follows:

    PLAINTIFF'S MOTION TO ADJUDGE IN CONTEMPT

    Now comes the plaintiff, and moves this Honorable Court for an Order adjudging the Defendant in Contempt.

    As grounds therefore, your movant states that the Defendant has breached his parental obligation by exposing the minor children to danger in posting their pictures and personal data, on the Internet. This is done for perverse and unwarranted reasons. Plaintiff prays this Honorable Court adjudge the Defendant in contempt, order the immediate removal of the children from the Internet and award Plaintiff costs and fees for the prosecution of this Motion.

    I had to take down my web page and thought Danielle's actions were extremely immature.  I immediately replaced the web page with another stating why I had to take it down.  I asked people to sign my guest book and leave any sort of opinion.  I am happy to say I had many positive responses and not one negative!

    I am at a loss, not sure where to turn or what to do next. I desperately miss my children and am praying constantly. I hope that with God and this Church's intervention that the best interests of Heather & Nathan can be determined.  They need and deserve equal time with both parents in their lives.  This is all I've ever wanted and asked to be, a parent to my children.

    Any prayers would be greatly appreciated.

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1999 06 04
2001 01 29 (format changes)