Never kick a fresh pile on a hot day.
There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing is to stop digging.
Never smack a man on the back who's chewing tobacco.
It doesn't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
Never ask a barber whether he thinks you need a haircut.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
When you're throwing your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
Letting the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' her back.
Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It is not so important to know what it is, but it is critical to know what it was.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
— Author unknown
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