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Developmental stages of expunged fathers

By Walter H. Schneider


Expunged fathers go through a number of stages:

  1. Shock and grief;
  2. Anger;
  3. Acceptance and resignation, at which point some will be able to become
  4. Resurrected, effective activists who may even be able to help others and to successfully start new families.

It is not my intention to demean in these comments the pain felt by expunged fathers.  Grief can be overwhelming; and anger can become a deadly force for an extremely small number of expunged fathers, especially when the system succeeds in crushing them emotionally and financially.  Grief can craze.

Shock, grief and anger, combined with often vast, excessive and unbearable economical devastation will motivate some expunged fathers to commit suicide.

It is hard to understand why someone feels that his children, whom their mother perhaps uses as a captive audience for continuous indoctrination and parental alienation, will remember him warmly if he leaves them nothing more than a grave-yard plot that the children quite likely will never visit to begin with.  Nevertheless, some expunged fathers take their lives, and extremely seldom they may take the lives of their children and even that of the mother who had born those children, a mother whom they once loved.  Grief can craze, but only extremely few grieved and crazed men do lash out with deadly force.

The feminists claim that all expunged fathers are likely to do that, and that for that reason expunged fathers must at all and any costs be kept away from their former families.  The truth is, as with virtually all claims by family-hostile and man-hating feminists, something entirely different.  Much has been written about that particular systematic distortion of the truth (e. g.: "How the Government Creates Child Abuse," by Stephen Baskerville).  It is not my objective in what I write here to cover feminist distortions of the truth.  Just remember that the truth is the first casualty in any war and especially in the war against the family.

No expunged father will become able to think clearly and objectively unless he accepts what happened to him as an inevitable outcome of the circumstances of political evolution that made his plight nothing more than one of millions of manifestations of the consequences of the feminists' all-out-war against the family.

Anger moves a good number of expunged fathers to rebel.  Some join the underground economy.  No one should blame them for doing that.  It is often the only way for expunged fathers to survive and still be near to their children, whom they wish to be able to help if their help is ever required, which it often is, while even more often help from the fathers will never be wanted no matter how much it is needed.  Hatred, even if is only the hatred of a false image created through indoctrination in children's minds, makes people do strange things.

For some expunged fathers it is neither wise nor necessary to escape into the underground economy.  Although it is often understandable, it is never justifiable for anyone to commit suicide.  There is always a way out.  The world is a big place.

The skills of men are natural talents that created our civilization, maintained it and made it thrive and grow until man-hating feminists slandered and vilified all men and thereby initiated the decline of civilization, especially that of western society.  Nevertheless, men's skills are in great demand throughout the developed nations.  That is mainly on account of the family-hostile population policies created and promoted by man-hating feminists.  As a result of those policies the demographics in the developed nations are in a deadly downward spiral.

The population sector of the elderly steadily outgrows the capabilities of the working population sector to support the elderly.  More and more of the duties and responsibilities that the governments systematically assumed from families - so as to make families unnecessary - are now gradually being handed back to families.  That is more and more so as the ability of the taxpayers to support massive and often luxurious social safety nets is being steadily pushed to the brink of exhaustion.

In view of the demand market for men's skilled labour, the actions that some expunged fathers take are puzzling.  Those actions often appear to take the form of what is described in "I'm OK--You're OK", by Thomas Harris, as "Please kick me," and "See what you made me do."

Such expunged fathers create for themselves circumstances from which they apparently have no escape.  They seem to wish to be victims, to have others obligated to feel sorry for them and even obligated to support them.

Regardless of how convinced they are that from their perspective that is how the world should work, things don't work well that way.  Most definitely, supporters of a victim will eventually grow tired of what they are being forced to provide.  Inevitably the help will ultimately stop coming.

A piece of cowboy logic states, "If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing you gotta do is to stop digging."

There is no escape for a man caught in a hole of his own making unless he decides to stop digging the hole ever deeper.  It is not fair for him to depend on others and to hold them emotionally responsible to support him, to provide him handouts in the form of money, material, food and labour.

There is nothing wrong in telling such a man to get himself a job, especially if his joblessness is the consequence of his decision not to work because he cannot stand to support a system that deprived him of everything he once had.  The fact is that the man quite possibly can once more have everything he once had, even more of it.  His aim should be to work on the rest of his long life that is ahead of him instead of being dragged down by his largely self-created misery, and dragging down others whom he holds responsible to feel sorry for him and to support him.

Let's call such a man Bill.  Perhaps nothing of what I write here is presently good for consumption by Bill, but eventually he will have to accept all of it.

It is alright to tell Bill to get himself a job.  Welfare never solves a problem.  It only breeds dependency.  If Bill decides to commit suicide, that is his choice and not your doing.

If Bill is truly disabled, why can't he make his disability income last?  Other people do.

Going without food for a few hours is not deadly.  At worst, it makes a man a bit hungry.  People have survived for 48 days without any food, right?  A lot of fathers rights activists have gone on hunger strikes that lasted far longer than just a few hours to press their points.  Some did that repeatedly for many days and weeks (e. g.: Robert Lindsay Cheney Jr.) and eventually thwarted the system's attempts to crush them.

I don't want to sound callous, but Bill is his own victim.  He wants to be a victim.  Bill could have left his country of residence and started over (he can still do that), but he prefers to be a victim.  He is unwilling to look objectively at his circumstances and possible solutions.  His anger and the walls of the hole he dug for himself prevent him from seeing what he should see.

Bill needs help, counselling.  That doesn't have to come from professionals.   It is just as good or better, and far cheaper in fact free if it comes from some of his friends or relatives.  It is far better for someone from where he lives to help him than for anyone from the other side of the continent or the world to try and help.

Bill should borrow a bit of money from someone and start hitchhiking to Alberta.  There are many businesses here that can't find enough workers.  Just last Monday I spoke with a manufacturer in Acheson (near Spruce Grove, west of Edmonton) who produces wood-pellet stoves in a growing demand market and can't find enough people to work for him to increase production to the point where it will satisfy the demand for their product.  That is not an isolated case.

Just as it is more practical and effective to bring cattle to the feed rather than the other way around, so it is far more practical for potential workers to go to where there are jobs for them.  There is a great demand for handymen in Europe.  It is the number-one topic of conversation by European retirees on vacation.

Bill may argue that it is pointless to try and get a job, as his wages would be garnished.  However, the reality of it is (many expunged fathers make no bones about it) that he refuses to work because he does not wish to feed a corrupt system.  It is not reasonable or fair for him to play on other people's emotions and force those that do feed the system that he so despises to feed him as well through giving him special attention.

The system has provisions to pay disability incomes to those who are disabled.  Certainly, even disabled expunged fathers on disability incomes have had their disability cheques garnished.  Still, I don't know of anyone who has had all of his disability cheque garnished, but I know of many people on disability who managed to survive on what remained of their disability cheques.  Some of those who ceased to depend on disability incomes put their lives into gear and created a better existences for themselves.

Why can healthy men not do what disabled men often have no problem doing?

One possible start to find solutions in Bill's circumstances would be to have him discuss them with the management of the men's hostel where he presently stays.  Has he done that?  I doubt it.

In my eyes it seems that Bill is a user.  Just as he initiated some actions that he then expected others to finish for him, so he created personal circumstances for which he wishes to use others by forcing them through emotional blackmail to help him maintain what he created.

If he is not made to understand what he is doing, then there will be no possible way to help him any more than someone can help cure an alcoholic unless the alcoholic admits to what he is.

Bill has great difficulty with considering the welfare of others that are affected by his actions or lack of them.

The first step to a solution is to get Bill to understand the consequences of his actions.  The second step must be to get Bill to understand that he made his bed, and that rather than to lay in it he must get on his feet and start walking.

Bill may be able to learn something from the experiences of my youngest brother (the third of four, nine years older than I), who many years ago staged a one-man sit-down strike in front of a Church administration office in Germany and got front-page coverage in the news on account of it.

My brother got what he wanted.  He identified that the Church greedily held on to land that would have far better served to provide housing for young families at a time when there was a great and pressing housing shortage that forced many young families to live in their parents' cramped quarters.  If I remember things correctly (my brother's action took place almost 60 years ago), the land was then opened up for development, even if only on the basis of 99-year leases (which the law in Germany now enables people holding them to acquire ownership to permanently on very reasonable terms, far below what the land would bring on the open market).

Bill could stage something similar on the door steps of an official of the Church or of the State.  It would get him a lot of attention in the name of the cause of fathers and families.

If Bill should get thrown into jail on account of doing that, he will be able to get housed and fed fairly well and get even more attention for his cause and that of other expunged fathers.

There are many directions into which Bill can travel, but he has to take that important first step rather than create a dependency for himself that he makes other people's obligation.

Most of all, Bill must not persist in wallowing in the hole he dug for himself.

My brother never went through a divorce.  He, like many other men who never experienced the devastation a divorce can cause, has a hard time accepting that a divorce can be devastating.

Partially on account of not being devastated by a divorce, but mainly on account of his will, my brother went on to become a millionaire who does not provide welfare but jobs to many people.  He is not alone in that.  Even quite a few divorced fathers managed to do the same.  They did so because they went on with their lives instead of digging holes for themselves into which others were supposed to throw bits of food and other handouts, so that victims would become enabled to maintain the state of existence the victims helped create or created for themselves.

Welfare begins at home, with individuals who love and care about others but first of all for themselves, so that they can do what they should and must do for others.  It is far better to ensure that one can give than to expect to receive.

Walter Schneider
http://fathersforlife.org

Next page: A response to "Developmental stages of expunged fathers"

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Posted 2006 04 18