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since June 19, 2001


Dale's Web Pages



October 13, 2001


  1. Friendship, Forgiveness, Freedom

  2. STD Pandemic

  3. Pray

  4. Speaking engagements

1) Dear Friends,

Many of you have written wondering if your email address had been misplaced. In most cases, the answer is no. I have been working on another project. For the last twenty years I have addressed a series of subjects (the effects of abortion on women, Radical Feminism, the Sexual Revolution, and same-sex attraction). I am convinced that all these problems are linked by a common thread: in all these areas I found that the problem began with wounded individuals who weren't healed because they hadn't learned how to forgive.

I am currently working on a book "Friendship, Forgiveness, Freedom" which will address this problem. On Saturday, Feb. 2, 2001 in Warwick, RI near the Providence airport will be a day long conference by the same name on this subject, sponsored by Canticle Magazine. If you wish to be emailed or mailed information, let me know.

Over the years I have seen how unforgiveness, resentment and bitterness keep people in bondage to the past and are at the root of self-destructive behavior patterns. As I looked out at the vast and increasing number of wounded people, I thought what can be done?

There aren't enough mental health workers trained to use forgiveness in therapy and, even if there were, most of these people would not seek out this kind of care.

I have walked with my friends through the forgiveness process and it takes time, commitment, and love -- it takes a friend. And so I thought maybe I could encourage others to help their friends to forgive and then healing would spread out to the wounded -- friend to friend.

Many of you who receive Heartbeat News are activists, who deal on a daily basis with the political repercussions of unforgiveness, anger, and self-destructive behavior. In a world where the number of unhealed, angry persons is increasing geometrically, the messages of love and life can't get through. People need to heal, they need to forgive and this can't be achieved through legislation. For those who look at the increasing acrimonious battles of the culture wars and think: "What can I do against militant evil?", the answer may be: help one friend to forgive.

For those of you who are therapists, two books "Helping Clients Forgive" and "Forgiveness is a Choice" are available. Or you can seek out the International Forgiveness Institute website for information and research on using forgiveness in therapy.

If any of you have experienced healing through forgiveness, I would love to hear from you.

2) The STD Pandemic

The human reproductive system is designed to provide entry and exit for living matter. It provides an open and relatively undefended door into the human body. The number of STDs is continually increasing, as pathogens which previously had difficulty moving from one human being to another, take advantage of the sexual pathways.

Human beings were designed for sexual fidelity. Multiple the number of sexual partners and you multiple the risk of exposure to STDs.

The chance that a person will contract an STD in any given sexual act depends on several factors.

  1. Is the person with whom they are having sex infected? The number of people currently infected with STDs in the population of people you are having sex is the primary risk factor.

  2. How many people have they had sex with and how many people have their partners had sex with?. More people, the greater the risk that one of them will carry an STD.

  3. Is the disease easy to catch? Some diseases one exposure presents high risk Others are more difficult to catch.

  4. Is the sexual practice engaged in an effective way to transmit the particular STD the partner is carrying?

  5. Is a condom used every time? some times? never?

  6. Does a correctly used condom protect completely or partially or not at all against the particular STD?

  7. What are the chances that the condom will fail, break, or leak?

When the condom advocates talk about effectiveness, they are usually referring to factor seven, the possibility that the condom if used properly with nevertheless fail to perform its function and allow exposure, but the other factors are equally and perhaps more important.

HPV (human papilloma virus) is spread by shedding skin cells condoms provide only marginal protection and it is not necessary to have intercourse or complete the sexual act in order to be infected Condoms provide only marginal protection against genital herpes and chlamydia. Anal sex is an extremely high risk activity and when condoms are used they are more likely to fail. Many people feel that oral sex is relatively risk free, but in fact herpes, gonorrhea, and other diseases can be spread by this means.

We are currently in the midst of an STD pandemic. Those with greater the number of sexual partners are at the greatest risk.

Condoms will never be the solution because the reasons why men and women have multiple sexual partners are the same as the reasons why they don't use a condom every time.

  1. Women with a low self-image my make themselves sexually available in order to feel accepted. These women's lack of self-esteem may render them less able to insist that their partner use a condom.

  2. Men who put a high value on their own sexual pleasure are more likely to have multiple sexual partners and, because condoms decrease that pleasure, less likely to use a condom every time

  3. Men who put a low value on women are more likely to have multiple sexual partners and may not use a condom because they don't care if they infect the woman.

  4. Persons who are already infected with HIV are more likely to have had multiple sexual partners and since they no longer have to worry about being infected, won't use a condom to protect themselves or others.

  5. Persons who have sex when they are drunk or on drugs are more likely have more sexual partners and to "forget" to use a condom.

  6. In order to have multiple sexual partners a person must seduce a number of people and seduction often involves lying. Persons who lie to seduce may not disclose an STD, a condom failure, or say that they will use a condom but then not.

  7. Persons who are sexually addicted engage in high risk behaviors with multiple sexual partners. Not using a condom may increase the "rush."

Thus those who have more sexual partners (and are at highest risk of being infected) are the very ones who may not use a condom every time.

3) Pray

The events of September 11 have shocked the world. What can we do? Pray. Pray for George Bush, the those who guard the safety of others and those who charged with bringing justice to the terrorists.

And we need to pray for Muslims everywhere.

"First of all then, I ask that supplications, prayers, petitions, and thanksgivings be offered for everyone, for kings and for all in authority, that we may lead a quiet and tranquil life in all devotion and dignity. This is good and pleasing to God our savior, who wills everyone to be saved and come to knowledge of truth." (I Tim. 2:1-2)

4) Speaking engagements

Dale O'Leary will be speaking

Oct. 17, CEFIM< Nacional, Mexico City on Radical Feminism

Nov. 9, Catholic Medical Association, Destin Fl, on inaccuracies in published articles on homosexuality

Nov. 16, Catholic Marriage and Family Conference, Providence RI, on teaching children to do the will of God (401-946-8114

Feb. 2, 2002, Canticle Conference, Warwick RI, on Friendship, Forgiveness, Freedom.

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From Dale's Disk, heartbea.rtf - Nov. 2000
Formatted in HTML 2000 11 10 —WHS

Posted: 2001 10 13